Paruresis (Shy Bladder)

You plan your life around your bathroom breaks, around where you can find safe places to go.  You are careful not to drink too much water, caffeine or alcohol, and on the unpredictable days, you basically dehydrate yourself because you can’t risk having to go without a reliable, safe bathroom nearby.

You avoid parties, family gatherings, social functions for work, happy hours, restaurants, museums, sporting events, concerts, zoos, plane trips, dating, work trips.  Pretty much anything that involves being away from home so long that you’ll need to use a busy public restroom. 

When you do try to use a public restroom, you usually psych yourself out:

• “I won’t be able to go.”

• “I’m taking too long.”

• “I’m inconveniencing others.”

• “People are spying on me.”

• “I don’t feel safe.”

• “Everyone can tell I’m not going.”

• “They’ll think there’s something wrong with me.”

• “People will think I’m a creeper.”

• “I don’t fit in.”

• “I’m awkward.”

• “People will make fun of me.”

• “I’m making too much noise.”

• “I’m not making enough (or the right kind of) noise.”

• “People will notice the smell.”

Your world has gotten pretty small and you’re missing out on a lot of things you would enjoy, if it weren’t for the public bathroom factor. 

You’ve kept this problem to yourself because you worry that if anyone finds out, they’ll think there’s something seriously wrong with you.   So, you’ve lived in shame and secrecy, feeling like an outsider, for years (decades).

When you imagined your future…

Jesus, you sure didn’t imagine this: A life completely dictated by something everyone else mastered at the age of two.  How is it that something so necessary for survival, something that should come naturally, how is it that THIS is your biggest challenge in life?  It’s infuriating. It’s embarrassing. You feel trapped, uncomfortable, frustrated and angry with yourself.    

You imagined so much more for yourself.  Now, this full life you’d hoped to live is completed constrained by the whims of your bladder. WTF?!

What happened…

You want to know, “Why do I have shy bladder?”

There might be a specific event you can trace this issue back to, one that seems to make some sense. Maybe someone kicked the bathroom door in when you were peeing in elementary school and made fun of you.  Maybe you had an intimidating parent who told you to hurry up all the time, that you were taking too long and there was something wrong with you.  Maybe something a little darker happened (e.g., sexual abuse).  But, you don’t get why that one event or series of events had such a profound impact. 

Or, maybe you can’t point to any event at all.  The issue just started and you have no idea why.  This is beyond frustrating, because your analytical mind is used to figuring everything out and you just can’t crack this code. 

According to the International Paruresis Association, only about half of paruresis sufferers can point to a specific cause. So, if you don’t know how this started, you aren’t alone. 

At the end of the day, though, none of this changes the fact that you can’t pee in public and this fact is pretty much ruining your life. You know you need to fix this but you aren’t sure how.   

What you’ve tried…

Well, you haven’t tried telling many people about it because it’s humiliating and they usually don’t get it.  They have no idea it’s a real thing.  So, you feel pretty isolated.

You’ve done some online research but there isn’t a lot out there. 

Maybe you’ve tried some DIY graduated exposures and have had a little success.  But, you don’t get how you can try the exposure in one situation, one day and it works, and then the exact same exposure, in the same situation, the next day and it fails.  It makes no sense.

You’ve tried finding a therapist but no one seems to even know paruresis is, let alone know how to treat it. 

You are at your breaking point and you know you seriously need some help with this.

Some seriously needed help…

The good news is that not only do I know what shy bladder is, I have a specialization in it, and I’ve been trained in all of the gold-standard methods for working with it. 

The even better news is that I have quite a few tricks up my sleeve if the standard protocols aren’t cutting it for you. 

After my formal training in clinical psychology, I trained in a variety of esoteric methods: Jungian analysis, quantum physics, psychological shamanism, inner child healing, dream work, consciousness evolution, meditation and mindfulness, the Law of Attraction, manifesting, mysticism, pagan magic and extrasensory perception (ESP).  So, there’s a pretty good chance we can find something that will do the trick. 

Don’t spend any more time suffering with this, reach out and let’s get you on a path to overcoming paruresis.   

Click the link below to schedule a consult or here to learn more about my approach.